Girl code: “The time I dated a broke, jobless man”

A Story from one Kenyan woman telling us about her relationships with jobless, broke or less earning men:

Dear women, would you date or marry a man that earns or makes less money than you or would you pass that kind of relationship and move on? I have been in both situations before and I must say it was tough during a time that I dated a man who was unemployed while I was employed.

I always had to constantly assure him that he was still the head of the relationship regardless of the cash I brought home every end month. As much as I always tried, he became this insecure fellow who always accused me of belittling him any time we had an argument.

His reason was always that I had more money than he did. Even when the disagreement had nothing to do with cash, money would be dragged right to the middle of the argument. He was an expert in throwing in lines like “I know you are doing/saying that because I don’t have money”.

It got to a point I couldn’t be arm-twisted anymore, so the relationship ended. I must, however, state that I gave it my best. The relationship drained me emotionally. Imagine having to tell someone on a daily basis “Baby, you are the head of the house”. If a man doesn’t have confidence in himself, I am not going to be the one to instill it in him.

Like I said, I have experienced both sides of such relationships. I have equally dated, for a long time a man who earned good money while I was jobless. These were some of the best years of my dating life as all I had to do was say “Baby I need this” and it would get to me.

This man introduced me to such a comfortable life but it reduced my thirst for responsibility. By the time we were breaking up, I was such an irresponsible woman in my mid-20s with no idea what it meant to earn my own money. I had been so used to being given everything I needed that when I got out and realised that nothing comes on a silver platter, I sunk into depression.

I remember the first time I got into a supermarket my mouth remained wide open in shock for the better part of the time I was in there. The memory of how I walked out of the supermarket without the things I had gone to purchase will never leave my mind. I could not even plan my own shopping list and pick the essentials.

I got home without sugar, flour, tissue paper, and cooking oil. I, however, had enough biscuits, cupcakes, chocolates, and juice! I think it took me a number of months to finally figure out how to manage my finances.

Having been in both relationships as the giver and the taker, I haven’t yet decided which side of these relationships is better because both of them destroyed me in one way or the other.

These two do not, however, get any close to those people who would not give you a dime yet you are in a relationship. Those who are stingy with money. These humans though, would rather spend a million on you but not give you a shilling!

Sometimes in a relationship, surprise your partner by wiring some money into their account out of the blues. This is especially when you feel that they could be going through financial issues. Your partner does not have to ask you for money for you to give them the money.

There is a man whom I stopped dating immediately before we even got stated properly. This man would never send me any money. He would call to say hi and ask what I would want to have for lunch. If I said pizza or chicken, he would ask him to meet him at a restaurant so that he would buy me some.

It did not matter the distance. Sometimes he would be in Nakuru and I would be in Nairobi and he would confidently say “I will buy you the chicken when I come to Nairobi”. Why would someone ask what I want to eat in the first place if he wasn’t going to do anything about it? I once asked him for the famous ‘transport money’ and he drove all the way to pick me up!