How to Deal With a Crush

When you have a secret crush, you cannot stop thinking about that special person… The truth is, one day you will look back on that secret crush fondly and remember the butterflies in your stomach and the pounding of your heart with a gleam in your eye. As true as this may be, it is hard to see the future when you are stuck in the chaotic whirlwind of a boy/girl crush. What you need is advice for dealing with your secret crush. Do you confront him/her? Talk to his/her friends? Whatever you do, don’t do anything until you read the following secret crush advice.

How do you know if you have a secret crush? Just ask yourself the following questions:

Do you think about him more than once a day? Do you sweat or notice your heart pounding when you are around him?Does thinking about him make you smile or giggle? Do you plan outings based on his activities or whereabouts? Do you talk to or flirt with other men more than you normally would while he is around? Do you talk about him with your friends? Have you tried making friends with his friends? Have you tried to dig up information about him? Are you thinking of him right now?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are definitely living in the midst of a full-on crush. So what now?

Keeping Your Crush a Secret

Before you go renting out billboards to proclaim your love for your new crush, you need to analyze both what you stand to gain and what you have to lose if you go public with your feelings.

Is your new dream person a coworker? If so, you could risk your professional reputation by announcing your infatuation. Do you have many mutual friends in common? If so, your romantic daydream could evolve into a cloud of awkwardness that follows you to every social event.

Although feelings of infatuation can make you feel childish and giddy, it is important to act like an adult when communicating with your crush. Unless you have absolutely nothing to lose by announcing to his/her face, “I have a crush on you!” the best plan of attack is to maintain your composure while investigating his/her level of interest and subtly letting him/her know she/he has caught your eye. Once you have decided you are officially crushing, communication can feel a bit awkward, but try to act as you normally would. If you want to start a conversation with him, choose a topic you both have an interest in, whether it is cycling or music. Do not be too quick to start a conversation about something you know he loves if you are not familiar with the subject. A conversation about his favorite band you have never heard of will leave you with nothing to do but nod your head and say “uh-huh” a few times and that is not the impression you want to make.

Monitor Your Body Language

This does not mean you should vigorously lick your lips while talking to him or twirl your hair like you see women do on television(for girls). It just means your body language should be open and receptive. Try not to cross your arms or look across the room. If you are sitting down, cross your legs and point them in his direction. Smile as often as possible and do not be afraid to laugh.

Dropping hints can be a hit or miss strategy as you risk going over his head completely or being too forward. However, you can be subtle while still being forward enough to get the ball rolling. Invite him/her along with your friends for a night of bowling. Let him/her know that you often eat lunch at the picnic table outside. This way, it is not like you are asking him/her on a date. You are simply letting him/her know where you will be and if he/she decides to be there as well, your crush may not be one-sided!

If you are zealous enough to ask him/her out on a one-on-one date, then do not hesitate. Just remember there is a way to ask him/her out without making him/her think you are ready to walk down the aisle if he/she says yes. If you “happen” to get tickets to see his/her favourite sports team play, invite him/her along. If there is a new restaurant you have been dying to try, ask him/her to join you. If he/she says no the first time, do not be discouraged. It is highly likely he/she has plans that he/she cannot break. If he/she says no a second time, it is probably safe to take this as a sign of disinterest. If he/she happens to have unbreakable plans a second time around, but he is interested in you, he/she will probably not be shy about asking you for a rain check. If so, leave it up to him/her to ask you the next time around.

How to Behave When You Go Out With Your Crush

When you finally get the chance to hang out with your crush, whether it is with a group of friends or just the two of you, acting interested is good. Acting obsessed is not. Not sure where that line is or if you are crossing it? Refer to the following list of dos and don’ts for spending time with your crush:

DO

Be polite. Offer compliments. Dress so that you are proud of your appearance. Ask him/her about his/her interests. Invite him to hang out again. Smile often.Be yourself.

DON’T

Agree with everything he/she says. Brag or display conceited behaviour. Talk about him/her, his/her friends or his/her interests non-stop. Confide your feelings to any of his/her friends. Change who you are or try to be perfect.

What to do if Your Crush is Not Interested

No matter how great of a catch you are, you will undoubtedly come across a man/woman or two in your lifetime who is not interested in you romantically for one reason or another. When romantic feelings are involved, it is difficult not to take rejection personally, but the truth is, your crush’s lack of interest in you really does not have much to do with you at all. There has probably been a person in your life who expressed his attraction to you, but you did not feel the same about him/her and you had your reasons. Maybe you just got out of a relationship and needed time off from dating. Perhaps he/she just was not your type and no matter how much you liked him/her as a person, you just did not feel a romantic spark. Your crush also has a reason for rejecting your advances, but that reason is not important. What is important is that you move on and use getting over your crush as a positive step forward.

You may need to supply yourself with a box of tissues, a few good romance flicks and a supportive bestfriend when first dealing with rejection from a secret or not-so-secret crush. Allow yourself a short amount of time to grieve, but do not wallow in your sorrows.You can spend your time getting over your secret crush alone while sobbing on your couch or you can expand your horizons and pursue a new interest, such as yoga or gardening…etc, Feel proud of yourself for taking a chance and pursuing a challenge. And do not fear – you will have a secret crush again. You may even come across a new man/woman worthy of your devotion at the neighbourhood or at work…..